He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
