I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
