It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
