so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
