I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
