She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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