"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
