i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
