Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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