got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
