I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
