yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
