She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
