I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
