new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
