I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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