Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
