His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
