ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
