I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
