Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
