btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
