I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
