Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I will die if light touches me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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