My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
