Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
