I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
