Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
