I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
