my being single is dangerous.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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