someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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