No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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