i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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