I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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