your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
