Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Pants are for mortals
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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