Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
