Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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