I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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