i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
