how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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