Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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