im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
