I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
