After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
