so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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