Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
