Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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