I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
