do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
